Ashera DeRosa, licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in sex therapy says you should always talk to your partner about introducing toys before you do so. “People can hold misconceptions about toys and may feel a bit threatened by them. Approaching the conversation with a hypothetical like, “Have you ever thought about bringing some toys in to enhance both of our experiences?” can help lay the framework,” she says.

It’s okay if your partner isn’t into it. “If they shut down, be empathetic and curious about it,” DeRosa says. “Looking at toys together can help your partner feel like it’s not a slight against them.” If they open up to the idea, taking a look at the vast variety out there together can help you choose a toy that works for both.

Ultimately, your best bet is to be open, communicative, and to let your partner know what does and doesn’t feel good.