Last week while doing my annual sit-up, it occurred to me that I should possibly get more exercise.

I am in far worse shape than the average person, and in slightly worse shape than the average writer. There’s a reason that nobody has ever used the phrase, “as healthy as a writer,” which is because it would be too rude. If regular people aim to be “fit as a fiddle”, writers are probably closer to “fit as a glass harmonica”, which is to say, reasonably stable as long as you don’t exert any physical pressure on them. And also, made up of many wine glasses.

Many people think of writers as heavy drinkers, like Ernest “The Old Man and The Seagrams” Hemingway. But not all writers drink; some like myself find other ways to destroy their body, such as spending every minute of their day hunched over their desk.

This classic curled posture (if it can even be called posture; it’s more of an imposture) was made famous by the scribes and scriveners of old, who famously hunched over their writing desks for so many hours that they developed hunched backs, which should at least be quasi-recognizable as something that rings a bell. Just don’t ask For Whom It Tolls. So in a way, bad posture and destroying my body gives me more in common with the writers of the classics.

But the writers of the classics are generally dead, which suggests that emulating them too closely might be a bad idea. At the least, a bit more physical activity would probably do me some good, so I can bid A Farewell To Harms. Unfortunately, while I know many people who have enthusiastically leapt into the most popular physical fitness trends, none of them appeal to me. The idea of spending hours breaking yourself to the point of exhaustion while being yelled at sounds unpleasant, which rules out CrossFit as well as raising children.

I have a few friends who love Peloton, the stationary bicycle that comes with an attached TV and its own mortgage payments. But I know from experience that paying expensive monthly fees for something good for my health that I’m not excited about doesn’t make me any more likely to use it, as my health insurance administrator will confirm. Besides, for the cost of a Peloton, I could get a thousand bags of sauerkraut, which honestly sounds like A Movable Feast that would be a lot more fun.

Clearly I’m not going to go to a gym; I only barely survived elementary school as it is, and I’m not taking any more chances. So when it comes down to it, the only exercise I really enjoy is walking with friends. But this is often subject to logistical challenges.

I don’t like to walk when the ground is icy, because I don’t have enough traction not to end up in it. Summer walks used to seem safer than winter walks, but lately The Dangerous Summer is the time of year when people have set things on fire, like tires, or California, or Canada, thus making the air quality not conducive to breathing. And while I may not *do* aerobics, I still *am* aerobic.

Rainy days still leave me at the mercy of The Torrents of Spring, and even in nice weather when I’d like to walk with my friends, sometimes both of them are busy. So it’s possible that I ought to figure out another exercise alternative. And I guess you could say that I Have And Have Not.

It’s certainly something for me to think about as I prepare for next year’s sit-up.