DATING IS HARD. Just ask Harry Jowsey. Stints on Netflix’s Too Hot to Handle and Perfect Match have set him up to find love several times—to no avail.

So, he’s taking things into his own hands, and bringing his fans along for the ride. Through his new podcast Boyfriend Material and recent partnership with the dating app Tinder, the star is hoping to learn and educate others (and himself) on how to become the best partner possible.

We sat down with the reality star to discuss how his outlook on dating has changed, what he’s doing to better his practices, and what it means to be “boyfriend material.”

MEN’S HEALTH: How has your outlook and approach to dating changed since your Too Hot to Handle days?

HARRY JOWSEY: I think on Too Hot to Handle, and even before that, I looked at things very surface level. I was a classic playboy—didn’t care about anything, thought I was invincible. That show was a massive reality check, and I learned a lot from it. It was very beneficial for me.

But I think where I really found an understanding was from knowing there’s a lot of people watching me on these shows and on social media. There’s younger guys that are getting some sort of inspirational idea about me on how to act as a young man. I’d go out and meet kids and they’re like, ‘I really look up to you’. And that’s fucking scary, because I know I’m not the best version of myself.

That’s difficult to navigate, because I’m always learning so much about myself. I’m constantly evolving. Even looking back on myself a year ago, when we filmed Perfect Match—I don’t know the version of human I was back then. Over the last 6 months or so, I’ve really started doing a lot of inner work and trying to figure out who I am and what I’m searching for [in a partner].

I really want to make sure I’m presenting the best version of myself to whoever comes around. That also comes from approaching the situation correctly—I was dishonest in the past with partners to hide pieces about my story that might upset them. I’m working on that. My approach now is just to be violently honest, and say, ‘hey, there’s going to be things from my past in there that’s probably not going to make you happy. But there’s a lot more care here now than there was before.’

It’s also about discovering what I’m looking for in a relationship. I get, maybe, too excited about love, and I get carried away often. So, I really have been trying to evaluate what I actually need in a partner, rather than just what I want.

MH: What does that ‘inner work’ look like for you?

HJ: It’s been a lot of therapy. Therapy has taught me how to evaluate some of the examples of relationships in my life that led me to date the way I have. My parents are best, but they had a bit of a rocky relationship. And then when I did Too Hot to Handle, they decided to get a divorce while I was filming. And I couldn’t have my phone on me, so I was very disconnected through the whole situation. That was hard to deal with.

It’s also taught me the importance of alone time. There’s so much noise. I’ve been taking time off my phone, going for long walks, and taking the time to just think. It’s allowed me to slow down and really second-guess myself, which is actually good. I think about the ripple effect my actions will have on someone I’m seeing.

It’s just a lot of thinking, which is something I’ve never really done before because I’ve never really thought things through.

MH: What are other practices are you implementing to ‘date better’?

HJ: I think taking a bird’s eye view of the situation at hand has been helpful. In previous relationships, when maybe a partner and I have had an argument or something’s gone wrong, I used to be filled with ego. I’d always go with the mentality that they should apologize, or they should come to me to talk about it, rather than vice versa. I was a stubborn and grumpy old man.

Now, I try to look at it broadly, and second-guess myself. What did I do that maybe triggered something? What is the other person going through in their life right now? Why don’t we work as a team to get through the problem instead of letting the problem get to us?

I’ve been taking the time to reflect on situations before reacting. I think when I upset people or hurt someone, I get really reflective of myself. That’s kind of the best thing for me. I don’t want to say anything out of raw emotion because I don’t want to cause any scars in the relationship. I need to go take 10 minutes to myself. I need to breathe, and come back with different eyeballs on the situation.

MH: What’s the best piece of dating advice you’ve ever gotten?

HJ: It’s kind of just life advice, to be honest. A friend of mine one told me: we’re all living life for the first time. We’re all experiencing problems for the first time. So, just have a bit of grace with each other. I think that goes a long way—understanding that we’re all trying to figure this life thing out. We’re all trying to do the right thing. There’s no point in sitting there judging people.

MH: You have a new podcast about dating. What do you hope it will teach people?

HJ: With the podcast, the name Boyfriend Material really threw people off, because they [look at me] and are like, ‘Hey, you aren’t. You have to go on dating shows to fall in love. You’re not boyfriend material’.

I think everyone kind of missed the mark. I’m learning—I’m trying to become boyfriend material. That’s the reason why we made it. I’m terrible at dating. I’m a hopeless romantic. But I’m learning—from my audience and from my experiences. I’m growing, and I’m trying to do that with my audience so we can grow together.