• Sue Ryan Weiss is a writer and editor from Ames.

Lying awake the night before dropping off our youngest child at college, I couldn’t stop worrying. Ryan would be combining the rigors of a STEM school with playing basketball, making for a challenging transition. My mom-brain was most concerned about Ryan finding her tribe at a school nine hours from home where she didn’t know a soul. 

The support of friends is crucial to navigating the inevitable college hurdles. Up until this point, I had been Ryan’s “person.” I knew our strong mother-daughter connection cemented during thousands of hours of rebounding and AAU basketball road trips would survive just fine, but making lifelong friends in college would allow her to thrive.  

If only we’d known then about the magical properties of a certain dual-purpose dorm decor item: the “mental breakdown rug” (MBR). 

The MBR was born during the tumultuous 2019-20 academic year. After spending her first two years in a residence hall, Ry opted to live in an on-campus three-bedroom apartment. 

“Sami Steffeck and I were basketball teammates, but we didn’t know Jordyn Tygesen, who was randomly assigned to our apartment. Jordyn brought the rug — a long, plush gray runner that she placed in the concrete hallway outside our bedrooms,” said Ryan. “I’m a big advocate for floor time, so I would always lie on the floor and then it evolved into lying on the rug.”

“Since we usually kept our bedroom doors open, if you lay on the rug and others were home, they’d come join you,” explained Ryan. “Soon enough, we christened it the MBR, and it became the center for us to connect as roommates and let our guard down. Sometimes we’d come home from class or basketball practice and sit on it together. It was a safe place to talk about our days.”

Feeling unsure about an upcoming calculus exam? Stressing about a long basketball weekend road trip? Fighting with your college boyfriend?

Go lie on the MBR and invite your roommates to commiserate with you. If you really want to set the vibe, blast “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol: “If I lay here, if I just lay here…”

“We’d start off venting and end up giggling. The world’s biggest problems were solved on that rug,” said Ryan.

College students are often inexperienced at initiating difficult conversations. Introducing the MBR to their roommates on move-in day pre-emptively lets them know it’s OK to ask for help. The MBR can be both the designated spot to admit having mental difficulties and for others to acknowledge their feelings are valid. 

Facetious moniker aside, mental health is no joking matter. Chances are your child or one of their friends will struggle with their mental health while in college. The results from the 2022-23 academic year Healthy Minds Study survey of 75,000 college students found that 41% had screened positive for depression and 36% for anxiety. 

Building a new support system means finding the courage to open up and be vulnerable. The MBR can help forge strong connections by being the appointed community hangout — a secure place to hash out roommate disagreements or disclose feelings of homesickness.

While bittersweet for many of us, the college drop-off is the first stage in launching our children into adulthood. Like a rocket, detaching from and then jettisoning us enables them to soar to new heights. College won’t be all sunshine and rainbows, so arming your child with the MBR lets them know they don’t have to be perfect. And, it provides a resource for them to engage in open discussions about mental health with their new “people.”

Because talking about mental health is preferable to sweeping it under the, well, you know. 

Sue Ryan Weiss is a writer and editor from Ames. She is currently co-writing a book detailing Lyndsey Fennelly’s journey with mental illness.