Once a contestant picks a new man or woman to have a “trial marriage” with, their OG significant other officially becomes an ex. They live with the random newbie for three weeks, getting to know every pro and con about life in a new and different relationship.

After their “trial marriage” is over, contestants go back to their original relationship. That way, they can compare and contrast the feelings they had in both relationships—and some try to show their partner what they learned during their time apart.

New romance or old? That’s for the contestants to decide on—wait for it—Ultimatum Day. Dun dun dunnn. Each cast member chooses whether they’d like to pursue an engagement with the person they just met, or stick with the person they have history with.

Just because the show is called The Ultimatum, doesn’t mean you need to leave the show with a fiancé. That’s right: Contestants have the option of ending the experience solo.

The shooting schedule is grueling, and will take up eight weeks. One week is spent meeting and dating new people, three weeks are dedicated to living with someone new, then there’s another three weeks of living with their original partner, followed by one week of conclusions and updates.

To prevent wannabe influencers from faking their way onto the show, producers verify the romances by talking with friends and family. “You can never ever be sure of what someone’s truest, purest intentions are. But we certainly have enough experience to try to suss out if people are inauthentic and we spend a lot of time talking to them,” show creator Chris Coelen told E!.

Not only do producers talk to friends and family, but they also go out of their way to talk to community members. They go into popular bars and businesses around the area where contestants live to ask about them and their relationships.

Lauren Pounds shocked Instagram when she posted a picture with the caption: “30 and thriving.” When a commenter pointed out that she was labeled as 26 years old on the show, she replied: “They lied about my age. We can’t figure out if it was intentional or not.”

While technically there’s no rule against it, doing so throws off production. “The intention going into this is, this is the experience, the ultimatum comes to terms at the end of the experience, that’s when you are going to make the decision,” Coelen said.

In the first season, the entire cast is from Austin, Texas. This ensures that any new relationships have a real shot at lasting outside of the show. “If someone is going to make a choice, we wanted it to work for them in the real world,” Coelen said.

The show moves new couples into a neutral space, a.k.a. a new apartment. The goal? To provide a completely fresh start—no ex’s clothes in the closet, no framed pictures on the wall, no drama.

During an especially tense scene between Rae Williams and Zay Wilson, they were right there to step in. “In that particular situation, where she goes out into the hall, there was a producer out there in the hall, because we are all in the same building, and she oversaw,” Coelen said.

They’re baaack! Those unmistakeable goblets (this time silver, instead of gold) help with consistency between scenes. This way, a super long scene can be edited down and viewers won’t notice continuity errors based on how full someone’s glass is.

In order to allow the couples to get to know what life would be like in the real world with a new partner, the show fits into contestants’ lives⁠—it doesn’t ask them to stop everything for several months to film. This means they get plenty of time to themselves at home, work, and more.

Production can share footage of contestants from security cameras. And, yes, they can (and did) use footage of arguments that happened when no one from production was around.

When Zay Wilson and Colby Kissinger feuded over a kiss that happened off-camera, the aftermath still made it onto the show. “Sometimes I’ve been on shows where you are like, ‘If it didn’t happen on camera it doesn’t exist on the show,’ but that’s not the kind of show we want to produce,” Coelen said.

Unlike other reality shows, those on The Ultimatum get to hold onto their phones. But they should proceed with caution: Posting about a new flame could lead to serious drama with your original partner.

Contestants are allowed to come and go as they please, interact with the real world, and even flirt with other men or women outside of the show. As some cast members learned the hard way, though, partying at the nightclub and exchanging numbers with strangers will only lead to more problems.

For the three weeks of living with a new partner, contestants aren’t supposed to have any communication with the person they walked into the experience with. That being said, not all of them follow this rule. The drama!

But some do. Lauren Pounds revealed to TODAY her boyfriend Nate Ruggles proposed after a text conversation they had. “I told him how depressed I was. I was crying and not able to sleep, and was regretting coming on. He was like, ‘I’m just gonna propose to you, and let’s just ride off into the sunset. And let’s figure everything out.'”

Nothing is stopping the contestants from mingling once cameras stop rolling for the day. And as surprising as it sounds, they actually choose to hang out with their new and old partners together. That trip to the winery? Not planned by production.

Contestants who really want to get the most out of the experience aren’t scared to let their feelings show. “Obviously, I’ve never seen [Randall] date anyone else besides me, but even then, I mean, we started as friends, so it was a very, kind of, slow progression to things getting romantic. … Or as he said, like, really being vulnerable and emotional about certain things,” Shanique Imari told Us Weekly.

When Zay Wilson ignored Rae Williams’ calls and came home from partying at 8 a.m., things got heated and she ended up getting physical with him. “Rae felt bad about it. Obviously if it was in a really bad or dangerous place, we would have stepped in,” Coelen said.

With reality TV, drama is more entertaining than romance. That’s why certain scenes—makeups, long talks, apologies—might not make the cut. “We had a lot of long sit-down conversations where we’re really talking through things, big decision things, that really affected me and [Madlyn] as a relationship. And no one really sees that throughout the show,” Colby Kissinger told Entertainment Weekly.

Nope, it’s not a vacation from the real world while filming. In season 1, there were mentions of cast members working their regular jobs while filming. In one scene, Rae Williams is even shown leaving her apartment in scrubs.

The couple shared words of wisdom with the cast and revealed their own marriage involved an ultimatum. “Sharing their own personal story was a way that they could provide learning and comfort and experience … the fact that Nick and Vanessa were willing to be as open about it as they were was amazing and it is a testament to them,” Coelen said.

As Lauren Pounds told TODAY, she and Nate Ruggles recreated their engagement—with a custom ring—once they left the show.

Listen, this is reality star 101. Since Netflix doesn’t air the finale or the reunion of The Ultimatum until after the rest of the season is released, contestants shouldn’t spoil the fun for fans!