Dr. Bill English is an executive coach and licensed psychologist (MA, LP) combining business and psychology. | OnPath Coaching.

Recently, I was conversing with a colleague about the mental health issues of business owners after the sale of their business, a period which I estimate to be one to two years (“post-transaction”). After the owner receives a pot of money, what tends to happen to the owner’s mental health and marriage?

In this article, I will argue that strengthening the owner’s marriage, finding a new life purpose and tethering one’s identity to something other than being an owner is foundational to a successful readiness effort for the sale of the business. In addition, I will argue that strengthening the owner’s marriage well before the transaction closes will set the tone for a successful post-transaction period and disincentivize a (potentially) quietly leaning-out spouse from divorcing.

It is commonly accepted that the earlier the owner plans for an exit, the more likely the owner will have a successful sale process. This principle applies to the owner’s persona and marriage, too. Early attention to the owner’s marriage, life purpose and identity will increase personal satisfaction and life success during the owner’s post-transaction period.

Mental Health Issues In Business Owners

I’ve written previously about the mental health issues that many business owners face when owning a business. I believe these potential issues, such as depression, isolation, high stress, personality strain, substance abuse and more, can be exacerbated by the prolonged stress of selling one’s business. Sustained stress always exacerbates personality and mental deficits.

The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale ranks 43 stressful life events. A business sale process is not listed in this scale. Still, if one were to combine the events of “dismissal from work” (47) coupled with “business readjustment” (39) and “change to a different line of work” (36), one could be forgiven if one concluded that the sale and post-transaction periods are as equally stressful as the top two stress events on the scale: the death of a spouse (100) or a divorce (73). Hence, it is essential to recognize the additional stress that the sale process imposes on the owner and their spouse.

Strengthening Marriage

One of the two more challenging jobs for the owner during the sale process is strengthening their marriage and maintaining composure. Knowing how to manage the stress of the sale process so that it does not infect one’s marriage is a key skill to creating a successful life post-transaction.

It is critical to acknowledge that the stress of a business sale can exacerbate common reasons for divorce. For example, if the causes of divorce include dynamics such as spouses not having a shared vision of what success means for their family and their marriage, a lack of physical intimacy, unmet expectations, financial stress, addictions or an inability to resolve conflicts, then one can understand how the stress of a sale process could intensify long-standing clash points in troubled marriages.

Even in healthy marriages, sustained stress can diminish physical intimacy, affect personal finances, lead to increased drinking or gambling or result in more pronounced arguments. However, troubled marriages are more fragile, and some may crumble under the strain of a divorce process.

If the owner’s marriage is in trouble before the sale process and yet survives the sale, it does not mean all is well post-transaction. A leaning-out spouse may decide that the post-transaction period would be a good time to file for divorce. Why? With abundant money in the bank, the divorcing spouse likely would get half of the marital property, perhaps millions, and be free of an unwanted marriage. They could see divorce as a way to have a fresh start in life, complete with a bank account to support their lifestyle. For some, this may be a scenario too tempting to resist.

Purpose And Identity

The stark reality of abrupt change is real and should not be ignored. For example, one day, the owner is at the center of a swirl of activity; life is going 100 mph, with days filled with meetings, emails and calls, and there is plentiful social contact with employees, customers, vendors and peers. However, the next day—the first day after the transaction—the owner’s day lacks activity; life has abruptly slowed down, and meetings, calls and emails are mostly absent, leading to feelings of isolation.

Hence, a transcendent, post-transaction life purpose is necessary before the sale of the business is concluded. Purpose gives meaning, direction and structure to one’s life. Without serious and thoughtful reflection on one’s life purpose, the owner may lack motivation and the structure of “something to do.” That could lead to boredom, dissatisfaction and emptiness. These feelings could then contribute to mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

Abstracting one’s identity from that of an owner is an equally challenging element in developing a new life purpose for the owner to achieve. Since most business owners base their identity on their role as owners, it would seem that not taking seriously the notion of having something purposeful or meaningful to retire to that helps shape their identity would be a significant mistake on the part of the owner.

Being Proactive

Before the sale process starts, the owner should honestly assess their marriage with their spouse and a psychologist. The quality and strength of the owner’s marriage will, to a considerable extent, dictate the happiness and quality of the owner’s life after the transaction has closed. Psychotherapy is a tool well-suited to evaluate the existing quality of a marriage. An executive coach or a psychologist can assist the owner in finding a new life purpose and ground the owner’s identity in something more transcendent than the role of business owner.

The point is to have an outside voice focused on supporting the owners’ marriage and transition to a post-transaction life. Their post-transaction life will be vastly different, but, if planned well, could be even better than the life they had owning a business.

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