For the Mental Health Minute this week we want to spend time honoring local losses, compounded by national, and international tragedies.
These concepts can be incredibly challenging for adults to comprehend and process. For children this can be exceptionally difficult. We want to offer strategies for supporting children, honor the depth of grief people might be experiencing, and offer a thread of unity.
Tragedies are not just about numbers or headlines. They are names, faces, memories, and futures that mattered. When there are multiple heartbreaks, it can layer and sometimes the weight makes it difficult to find a place to begin as the grief is processed.
Below are some tips for understanding the age-appropriate place of comprehension as well as strategies for discussion and working through the unimaginable.
Let us remember in our sorrow that there is something that binds us beyond these measures. It appears in how we show up for one another; offering a smile, a simple check in, the food shared, and the space held for emotions as we process and grapple with ways to move forward.
These are not small things. These are the signs that love endures in our human experiences. Let us hold space for every feeling and keep finding one another in the light and darkness again and again.
We don’t have to be strong all the time. We can keep choosing to belong to one another as we work through our grief. After all, grief is love in its rawest form and when it is shared it possesses the power to carry us incrementally further- together.
Talking to Children and Beyond About Tragedy
Age-Appropriate Guidance for Caregivers and Professionals
Learning about loss can be a traumatic experience, and explaining loss to children and youth requires care, clarity, and compassion. Children process grief differently at different developmental stages, and how you talk to them about tragedies should reflect their age, maturity, and emotional understanding. This guide offers age-appropriate language and strategies for supporting children, youth, and beyond through loss.
Preschool Age (Ages 3–5)
Understanding of Death:
- View death as temporary or reversible.
- May not understand the concept or permanence.
Key Messages:
- Use simple, clear language: “They died. Their body stopped working.”
- Avoid euphemisms like “went to sleep.”
- Offer reassurance: “You are safe. You are loved.”
How to Support:
- Answer questions briefly and honestly.
- Allow for repetitive questions.
- Use books or toys to help express emotions.
- Keep routines stable and predictable.
Early Childhood (Ages 6–9)
Understanding of Death:
- Begin to understand that death is final.
- May ask detailed or blunt questions about how the person died.
- May feel responsible or worry others might die too.
Key Messages:
- When the loss is a death by suicide, use honest, age-appropriate language: “They died by suicide, which means they made their body stop working. This happened because their brain was very sick, and they didn’t know how to feel better.”
- Reassure them it wasn’t their fault.
- Let them know their feelings are okay and normal.
How to Support:
- Encourage expression through drawing, play, or writing.
- Watch for guilt, fear, or behavioral changes.
- Keep open lines of communication.
- Offer consistency and routines.
Tweens (Ages 10–12)
Understanding of Death:
- Understand that death is permanent, and when there is a death by suicide that it is intentional.
- May start to explore the “why” more deeply.
- Might hide feelings to protect others.
Key Messages:
- Be clear and compassionate.
- Emphasize it’s okay to ask questions.
- Normalize emotional responses and talking about feelings.
How to Support:
- Provide honest answers and opportunities to talk.
- Validate emotions like anger, confusion, or sadness.
- Look out for changes in school performance, sleep, or mood.
- Consider involving a school counselor or therapist.
Teens (Ages 13–18)
Understanding of Death:
- Fully understand the concept.
- May experience complex emotions: guilt, shame, anger, or even relief.
- May fear being stigmatized or judged.
Key Messages:
- When it is a mass tragedy, validate feelings and avoid minimizing: “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
- When it is a death by suicide- talk openly: “They died by suicide. They were struggling with a mental illness and didn’t feel they could keep going.”
- Reiterate that suicide is never the fault of survivors.
- Discuss mental health openly and without judgment.
How to Support:
- Encourage honest conversations and ask how they’re feeling.
- Allow them to grieve in their own way.
- Be alert to signs of depression or suicidal thoughts.
- Be alert to survivor’s guilt.
- Connect them with a trusted adult or mental health support.
Young Adults (19–29 years)
Understanding of Death:
- Fully capable of understanding the depth of tragedy.
Key Messages:
- “This is hard and unfair. You have every right to feel how you feel.”
How to support:
- Offer space for complex emotions, including anger, guilt, disillusionment.
- Encourage community, activism, or ritual as response.
- Respect autonomy in how they grieve.
Adults (30–64 years)
Understanding of Death:
- Often balancing caregiving roles while processing their own grief.
Key Messages:
- “You don’t have to carry this alone. It’s okay to fall apart.”
How to support:
- Acknowledge burden and complexity.
- Encourage self-care and support-seeking.
- Provide space to talk without having to “fix it.”
Older Adults (65 years and beyond)
Understanding of Death:
- Often familiar with loss, may reflect on mortality and meaning.
Key Messages:
- “Your grief matters, and your wisdom is needed.”
How to support:
- Honor their experience and resilience.
- Offer companionship and conversation, not just care.
- Include them in community grieving or ritual.
