When Jesse Ramos Jr., was in his twenties, he began to notice that he didn’t look like the other guys around him. He began feeling insecure about his looks but it didn’t really hit home for him until he got rejected over it by his crush. Now he’s 39 years old and in the best shape of his life. He turned his rejection into a lightbulb moment to make a change – and love himself again in the process.

I was born a chubby baby. My nickname was ‘Gordo,’ meaning ‘chubby boy’ in Spanish. It was meant as a playful term of endearment in my family. It didn’t help that the weight didn’t come off. I was roughly between 170 to 190 pounds [77.1–86.2kg] growing up. In my defence, I didn’t have guidance on nutrition. In Mexican culture, it’s commonly thought that men should eat more. My grandma was always feeding me back then.

In high school, I lost weight when I joined the swim team. At 16, I lost about 15 pounds [6.8kg]. That was one of my first real exposures to consistent movement. Looking back, that’s when I started to understand that movement is medicine, even if I didn’t fully realise it at the time.

That small improvement to my health stalled when I started working at a fast food restaurant. I did it to help my family with finances. The cooks loved me and made me anything I wanted to eat. I was eating triple cheeseburgers with bacon and egg, loaded cross-cut fries with cheese and bacon bits and fried spicy chicken sandwiches. I also drank chocolate or strawberry milkshakes and I loved my Dr Pepper.

I kept eating whatever I wanted and however I wanted. It did catch up to me. Before I hit my heaviest, I was around 190 to 205 pounds [86.2–93kg]. I eventually got up to 255 [115.7kg] a year after graduating high school. It didn’t happen overnight – it was small habits adding up.

Still, the weight didn’t bother me. I was too busy having fun drinking alcohol with my friends, and just living the carefree life of a 20-year-old.

Everything changed when I turned 21. My quality of life started to deteriorate when I looked around and realised I didn’t look like the other guys around me. I got extremely insecure and started drinking more to cope. I began fighting a downhill battle with my self-image.

I only started to lose weight when I was trying to get someone to like me. They were athletic and in great shape. When I finally worked up the nerve to express my love, I got rejected. They didn’t explicitly say it was because of my weight, but I could read the room.

The rejection was embarrassing. It also forced me to look at myself honestly. I had only started to lose weight to impress someone. But I should never do something for someone else, only myself.

The self-reflection helped me acknowledge some harsh truths. I had no real discipline, self-respect, or clear direction. That was when it clicked for me: nothing changes if nothing changes. If I wanted a better life, I had to start making better decisions. The same year, I started a new weight loss journey.

The Slow but Steady Changes I Made to My Diet

First, I focused on making small changes to my diet. I typically ate a double cheeseburger with bacon, a lot of fries, and a milkshake. The milkshake alone was probably 800 calories.

I modified the meal to a double cheeseburger with lettuce rather than bacon. I downsized to a small order of fries and skipped the milkshake.

I learned how to cook my own meals and focused on high-protein whole foods like chicken, fish, and sweet potatoes. I also started eating my food with small forks – and dropping it between bites in order to not pack more food in. As my cooking skills improved, I made a strong effort to stop eating fast food completely and cut out meals rich in sugar and refined carbs. I also stopped drinking beer.

To keep myself on track, I avoided food shopping when I was starving because I was more likely to buy junk. In terms of portion control, my rule of thumb for a meal became a fist and a half of protein, a fistful of carbs, and two fistfuls of fibre.

I Exercised Even on My Busiest Days

In the beginning, I had no clue what I was doing. I was basically on the treadmill every day for 30 minutes to an hour, and did a few biceps curls with 5-pound [2.3kg] weights. I had no idea if my form was right.

My workouts evolved by watching my stepdad, Martin. He was a bodybuilder with a big chest and big arms, and I wanted to look like that. I tried P90X, but it was too advanced for me at the time. I just focused on showing up and copying what he would do.

I started walking for 15 minutes, then built up to 30-minute runs, eventually up to an hour. I’d put music on and get in the zone. Motion is lotion – the more I moved, the better I felt physically and mentally. Later, I prioritised lifting weights, focusing on proper form and progressive overloading.

I initially worked out 5 to 6 days a week. This would look like three full-body days, one lower-body day and one cardio day. I focused on hitting all my push and pull exercises along with squats. I fell in love with movement. I later added short HIIT workouts and added swimming, hiking, and sauna recovery.

At the same time I was on my fitness journey, I also became a vice president in banking, and it became harder to maintain this workout regimen. My work left me with very little free time.

That’s when I came up with the idea of ‘micro-circuits’. The workout is 30 seconds of simple squats or knee raises. I’d do them instead of sitting down on breaks at work.

In the first three months, I lost 30 pounds [13.6kg]. I’ve lost 90 pounds [40.8kg] total. The process took about 10 years, as I experimented with what worked for my body. I now weigh 165 pounds [74.8kg].

I believe in being realistic, and setting small, attainable goals. This approach helped me to build the confidence I needed to keep going every time I hit a milestone.

I Stayed Consistent, and so Did My Weight

Since 2007, I’ve never really stopped working on my diet and fitness goals. During the pandemic when gyms were closed I used rocks as weights and performed bodyweight exercises outside. I stay motivated by doing things I enjoy. Consistency is key, because motivation comes and goes.

At the cusp of turning 40, I’m in the best shape of my life.

I now dedicate one hour a day to exercise. I love the ‘after-feeling’ of HIIT, and training legs is my go-to for weight loss. Most guys want the upper-body aesthetics, but to me, legs equal longevity.

I still make an effort to eat healthy food and I’ve learned more ways to cook so I don’t get bored. I’ll turn chicken breast into fajitas. Instead of oil, I’ll use water. Sweet potatoes are still a staple for me – they’re versatile, and a great source of complex carbs.

I left a 15-year career in banking, where I was a top producer leading teams, to pursue fitness as a career. I’m currently the founder and CEO of BBT Fitness in New York City.

I’m not finished yet; I’m just getting started.

I Learned That it Doesn’t Matter What Others Think

An unexpected benefit of my health journey was to trust myself and set boundaries in my life. It’s what helped me to reach sobriety. I’ve been alcohol-free since November 29, 2023. It’s been life-changing and helped me in maintaining my weight loss.

I’ve learned that when you’re disciplined and in shape, the world treats you differently. More importantly, you treat yourself differently. Taking care of a healthy body is a form of self-love people often overlook.

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