“Not many speak on the weight of the crown,” said Celissa Pena — Miss Southwest Texas USA and a Cotulla native who has competed in Laredo and now lives in San Antonio — on Instagram.

“It may look light in appearance, but the emotional, physical and mental pressure creates an overwhelming weight. Queens are expected to look picture perfect in person and on the media, the scars we bare are expected to remain hidden. Queens are human; we fight the same fight with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders and addiction.”

Pena, who was a strong supporter of Kryst’s outspoken nature on social justice issues, has battled an eating disorder since she was 14 and fought her way through body shaming and other harsh criticisms.

“I remember when I first started competing. … I was 14, short and chubby and a little goofball, and when my mind was naïve to most opinions, I was told my thighs were too big and my hips were too wide, and I was never going to win — and this was from adults and personal friends,” said Pena, 21, to Laredo Morning Times this week.

“I let these comments get to me, and I researched how to lose weight fast.

“I still am battling it right now. You have to constantly fight, and I have found some healthy ways of not doing that and I distract — take a walk with my dog or take a bath. I distract myself from doing harm to my body. It’s not something you talk about.”

But Pena and others have chosen to speak openly after the death of Kryst.

“You want to be the skinniest and picture perfect, and on the inside, I hated myself. I hated my hips, and I couldn’t change my body structure,” Pena said. It left her to wonder, “If I left today, would anyone care?”

“Cheslie said it best — our Instagram, our social media, is just a highlight reel. Everything you see online are the best parts of yourself. It never shows our struggles,” Pena said.

“In an essay published by Allure magazine last year, Ms. Kryst reflected on the challenges of growing older and challenging conventional thinking about women’s appearances and opinions,” reported The New York Times.

The New York Times published what Kryst wrote in the essay, “ … but turning 30 feels like a cold reminder that I’m running out of time to matter in society’s eyes — and it’s infuriating.”

Roel Gonzalez, Director of Laredo Pageant Productions who has overseen hundreds of girls compete in beauty pageants over the years, said he was in disbelief when he learned of the rising star’s death.

“I couldn’t believe it, and she had life under control. I am trying to understand. Nobody really knows what happened behind closed doors,” said Gonzalez, who stressed that he didn’t think her suicide was connected to her beauty queen status.

Gonzalez wondered whether she battled the idea of aging and decided to leave the world with the lasting impression of her younger self. At 28, she was the oldest woman to have won Miss USA.

The death of Kryst hit Marcela Delgado, who won Miss Tamaulipas in 2019, especially hard.

“This is a harsh reminder to check on your loved ones,” Delgado, 20, said.

In May, she opened a modeling studio, A21, and named it after her cousin Alexandra Alfaro, who died by suicide in 2016. Her relative competed in beauty pageants and loved dancing and modeling. The studio’s name is the first letter of Alexandra’s name and the age when she died.

“My cousin had depression, and it is a serious illness that should not be taken lightly,” said Delgado. “I never knew she was going through that. I wish I would have known the signs to detect it.”

She added that COVID has exacerbated problems.

“This pandemic truly affected suicide rates … the isolating and people went through harsh conditions and lost their loved ones and their jobs, and this pandemic truly shifted us and reminded us to keep our loved ones close,” said Delgado, who is also pursuing a degree in communications and a minor in marketing from Texas A&M International University.

“We have to take care of ourselves and be more kind to ourselves, and sometimes we are kind to others, but you need to be kind to yourself,” she added.

Sarah Godines, who is the former Miss Laredo Teen USA, is aware of the pressures that come with having to maintain a certain standard of beauty.

“A big thing about being a pageant queen and in the spotlight for a long time … it was hard to bear your own burden with eyes on you and held to a certain standard or expectation,” said Godines, 20, an honors student at Laredo College.

“I went through it firsthand and had sister queens to talk about it with. You are held to a certain standard when you yourself aren’t doing so great, but it’s being brought to attention now.”

During her reign, she formed an organization — Beautiful Minds — to help raise awareness of mental health.

“I have ADHD, and I learned that at a late age, I was already 17. I didn’t realize ADHD had given me a lot of anxiety, and I felt like I had anxiety my whole life. From the first time in seventh grade until the start of the organization, I felt really alone, and I didn’t talk about it and didn’t think anyone else had the problem,” Godines said.

Pena, who graduated with a Bachelors in Science and Psychology from Texas A&M-College Station at 20, said she never knew the damage her bulimia was causing her in the long run. She developed lesions in her throat due to the acid burning from her throwing up.

“I was going to college and would do it almost weekly,” she said. When she ended up in the ER for an asthma attack and the lesions, a doctor asked her to be honest about her bulimia.

“He talked to me about what is going to happen in the end — esophageal cancer. That was an immediate eye opener,” said Pena, who began to change her lifestyle with the help of a therapist and trainer.

In a few days, Pena is going to her old high school to talk about empowerment to young female students. She said she is honored and will carry an important message.

Pena will talk about a variety of things — her eating disorder, depression and overcoming obstacles to get where she is today. She is awaiting to hear whether she got into graduate school.

The issues she will discuss “aren’t really things that are talked about as much. This generation is changing the narrative on mental health. It is not something to be ashamed of. Just because you can carry the crown well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy. If I can do it, you can do it.”

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour service. For help, please call 1-800-273-8255.