NEED TO KNOW

• A psychiatrist recalls how she struggled to help herself, while helping others, in an exclusive interview with PEOPLE

• “I was functioning, achieving, doing what I was supposed to be doing, … so I told myself I must be fine,” Dr. Jessi Gold says

• Dr. Gold now uses her work and own life lessons to continue helping others

A psychiatrist helped others through their mental health struggles. Still, she couldn’t always bring herself to advocate for herself in the same way.

Dr. Jessi Gold first studied anthropology in college because she didn’t want to follow in her dad’s psychiatry footsteps. Eventually, she found herself drawn to the profession and learning more about people.

“I wanted time to hear a patient’s full life and social history, even on surgical rotations, and that kind of time still exists in psychiatry,” Dr. Gold tells PEOPLE. “I could see 100 patients with depression, and even if the medication was the same, their story impacted what we did next. Their life and their experiences were essential to the symptoms I saw.”

Being from a high-achieving family, Dr. Gold felt a “tendency toward perfectionism.” She says she would jump between feeling successful and “questioning everything about myself, especially once other people started to tell me something seemed off about me.”

Still, she never thought what she was feeling was “serious” enough, Dr. Gold explains, “Like a lot of people, I told myself I had to be fine, because on paper everything looked okay.”

“I was functioning, achieving, doing what I was supposed to be doing, and getting good grades in college, so I told myself I must be fine,” she continues. “And we’re taught that if you’re doing the things you’re ‘supposed’ to be doing, then you ‘should’ feel more than fine.”

Dr. Gold recognized, however, that in college, she hid any sadness in her life, as there was a “lack of understanding” of the fact that she could “get all As and be depressed.”

As she continued through medical school and eventually became a psychiatrist, Dr. Gold grew more comfortable talking about therapy. Still, she hesitated when it came to discussing medication.

“I would catch myself posting on social media about something my therapist said, but noticing how other people would post about medication and wonder what my deal was there. I don’t think we owe our stories to anybody, but authenticity matters to me,” Dr. Gold tells PEOPLE. “I also tell patients things I very much believe and advocate for, that mental health medications are like blood pressure medications, and if you need them, you should take them, and they help.”

“When I dug into why I wasn’t talking about it with my therapist, I realized I was worried about how I would be perceived. I worried that any big emotion would be seen as pathologic. That it could affect my workplace relationships. And, perhaps even more significantly, that people wouldn’t want me as their doctor. That it somehow made me less qualified,” she adds.

Dr. Gold ultimately wrote a book — How Do You Feel? One Doctor’s Search for Humanity in Medicine — after recognizing that many healthcare workers during the pandemic were “saying some version of, ‘Am I the only one who has ever felt that way?’ and she hoped they “would feel a lot less alone in their struggles.”

“There was so much stigma and shame, and delays in care because of it. I wanted to find a way to break down those barriers and talk about our own struggles and humanity in a way that was palatable,” Dr. Gold says.

When Dr. Gold decided to be more open about her emotions, she said she felt “surprised” about how it “brought me closer to people, instead of creating distance.”

Patients began discussing pieces she wrote about her medication, saying that it “meant a lot to them,” Dr. Gold tells PEOPLE.

“Telling my story made them feel more able to tell me theirs, especially if they were struggling. Disclosing made me more of a ‘safe space’ for others, because they knew I understood not just as a clinician, but as a human,” she says.

Dr. Gold is now part of a campaign called Generation Fine, which, according to its website, aims to “empower” people to “stop settling for ‘fine’ and take the first step beyond ‘good enough’ by talking with your healthcare provider.”

The campaign provides mental health treatment and resource options.

Dr. Gold said, “This campaign validates that experience and reminds people that fine isn’t the goal. The goal is to help people feel seen, to help them ask questions and to understand that options exist. To understand that you can pay attention to your signs and symptoms and subtle changes and bring those forward to self-advocate with your mental health professional.”

She encourages others to listen to their own minds and bodies, and not to be afraid to talk to others about how they are feeling.

“It feels scary to say you don’t feel yourself, or something feels off, but it’s a necessary first step. Depression thrives in silence, and connection is one of the first steps toward feeling less alone,” Dr. Gold says.

Dr. Gold tells PEOPLE, “You can be okay and not okay at the same time. You can look fine and still need support. Just because you might be able to find someone else who ‘has it worse’ doesn’t mean your problems don’t matter.”

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“I always say the worst problems are your problems, and I really mean that,” the psychiatrist adds. “You don’t have to settle for feeling just good enough. If this resonates with you, you’re not alone, and there are options, conversations, and care that can help. Maybe it is starting treatment. Maybe it is an adjustment to it. Whatever it is, don’t just stay stuck because you think that’s all there is.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health challenges, emotional distress, substance use problems, or just needs to talk, call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org 24/7.

Read the original article on People